SWAMI GOTJATUBYET
Brought back by Shadoe after a recent six month sabbatical in the Himalayas in late 2007 and
early 2008 - a vacation that turned into a revelation - Swami Gotjatubyet
(pronounced Gah-Cha-Tah-By'-Et)
brings to the world a message of Great Consciousness through Great Commerce. In the words of the master, "Have now, Get more, Go Free," is the prototypical axiom for the next generation, the ideal consciousness for transcending materialism in our New Economy.
With Swami G comes a whole new world of fun leading the way to Oneness and harmony. Now, for the first time in recorded history, (according to Shadoe), you can really "have it all." In fact, the heart of Swami's message is "When you get it, as you get it, and go to get more, THINK OF ME.
Just open your mouth and say 'GEE!' Things come, things go: gotta get it, GOT IT, good, gone...
ONE IS ALL, ALL IS ONE: ME."
THE DRIVE-THRU KARMA KONNECTION
And now, open all over Southern Florida, for Summer 2009 and the launch of the New Economy,
"THE DRIVE-THRU KARMA KONNECTION," and opening soon on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills
(also coming to Times Square), "THE MEDITATION MALL" and "THE NIRVANA KNICK-KNACK SHACK."
THE PORTABLE HEALING HAND
Swami says, "no need to go to the mountain... we bring the mountain to you... at the Drive-Thru Karma Konnection... any color, any karma, just $39.95" Feel better fast, or for a quick fix when you're on the move.. get the Swami G touch wherever you go... with the Portable Healing Hand (batteries not included)... to "Get more, have now, go free"... just take off your clothes and say, "GEE"
GUILT-FREE FURS
We've mentioned it already, but here's another reminder, everything you can imagine is on sale now at the MEDITATION MALL on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills... with every possible knick knack and doo hickey for exploding, transcendental orgasmic-revelations... and this week, (here's the exciting part)...right NOW, SWAMI G's "GUILT-REE FURS"...You read right, the Swami actually personally TALKS to the animals... and they VOLUNTARILY GIVE UP their bodies. Guilt-free furs... get em while they last... at the Meditation Mall... and drive-thru Karma Konnection.
SWAMI G'S BLACK BEAN PUDDING AND TEQUILA FAST
Shadoe, in his voracious hunger, seeking spiritual powers... recently performed rituals with one of
Swami Gotjatubyet's most devoted disciples... the Mariachi-Maharishi... who recently demonstrated his devotion for Swami G by fasting for 27 days on
"SWAMI G'S BLACK BEAN PUDDING AND TEQUILA FAST
(the Enlightenment Thru Weight Loss Plan)... That's a lot of faith... very devoted... he lost a lot of fluid... But gained invaluable "insight." And now Shadoe has begun the formal adoration himself... he is"hoping for the best"... it's all going on right now, at the Burbank Branch... of Swami G's Drive-Thru Karma Konnection... near Victory Boulevard and Western... look for the bouncing halo above the golden throne... and drive on through.
THE TONGUE TUBE!
Here's more good news coming soon to Swami Gotjatubyet's Meditation Mall on Rodeo in Beverly Hills... Shadoe will be on display Tuesdays, in the picture window of the Nirvana Knick Knack Shack... where he will be - in their silent contemplation - demonstrating Swami G's newest Awareness Accelerator... the TONGUE TUBE!
It's a hand-crafted, gold-plated cylinder with a hole just big enough to stick your tongue into... you'll taste the far-reaching flavors of the universe... you can do it while driving... or even in a movie theater... THE TONGUE TUBE... the awareness accelerator from Swami G... and the Drive-Thru Karma Konnection.
SWAMI G's MEDITATION MUFF
Leading the way in the new spiritual revolution of Swami Gotjatubyet... here's more good news from the Drive-Thru Karma Konnection..."SWAMI G's MEDITATION MUFF"... the hand-warmer for ALL PARTS of the body...
made from 100% guilt-free fur... just slip it on and feel the increased blood-flow at the cellular level... arouse yourself to a higher consciousness... watch your awareness grow! The Meditation Muff, get it now, at the Drive-Thru Karma Konnection.
GLOW IN THE DARK G-STRING
Shadoe has been helping his spirit advisor, Swami Gotjatubyet... with the "Have more, get now,
go free Crusade"... and now, there's another incredible breakthrough from the Swami G think-tank and braintrust...now available from Swami G at the Drive-Thru Karma Konnection the "GLOW IN THE DARK G-STRING"...always know where your awareness is, EVEN IN TOTAL DARKNESS.. . and if you always know where your awareness is... you can RAISE IT. In fact, you'll want to use it all the time. Available in luminosity pomegranate, iridescent tangerine, and moonshine emerald... the glow in the dark G-STRING... whenever you need a lift, just PLUCK it, and say "GEE." Go ahead, pluck it again... feel the string vibrate..."GEE."
G-SPOT DIVINING ROD
You've heard about the G-Spot... this was originally a remote location in Nepal first discovered by Swami G... a place where all experience comes to a peak... and of course, there's a corresponding place in the bodies of all women. But the good news is, now you can find it quickly and easily, with Swami G's "G-SPOT DIVINING ROD. a Y-shaped, electrical appliance created from the most advanced rubber-titanium alloy. A fellow practitioner simply
lets the rod roam over your body until it finds the exact, right place and instantly releases a powerful electronic surge. Your awareness "discharges" a flood of unexpected cheerfulness... and if you act now... you can get it FREE. That's right! Just sign up at the GADGET GURU in the Meditation Mall... and become a member of the TRANSCENDENTAL APPLIANCE CLUB... Every month, something new... Just close your eyes and say..."Gee."
INSPIRATION FACILITATION CREAM
Here's another incredible offer at the Meditation Mall on Rodeo... when you're feeling uninspired... when spiritual arousal is hard to come by... turn to The Master for the miracle cure... Swami G's "INSPIRATION FACILITATION CREAM" ... vital essence of Yak from the mountains of Tibet... cultivated and consecrated by the Lost People of Alottaporn, "Swami G's Yak-in-a-Jar"... dab it on and feel your inspiration grow..."your spirit will rise, as high as a star... you'll be Mr. Happy... with Yak in a Jar."
TAP WATER OF THE STARS
Here's yet another amazing new product from Swami G. Available now, for the first time, from the Karma Konnection..."TAP WATER OF THE STARS" That's right, the same water used by Jay Leno, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Madonna can be yours! Every month, a new star. Every month a new bottle. Join the club, build a collection... and YOU CAN WRITE IT OFF! All proceeds go to the "SWAMI G CELEBRITY FACE-LIFT AND LIPOSUCTION FUND." ORDER NOW.
ORGY MONOPOLY
Shadoe Stevens in conjunction with Swami Gotjatubyet is proud to announce... another giant step in personal liberation... ENLIGHTENMENT ON THE GO... available now at the Meditation Mall on Rodeo in Beverly Hills.."ORGY MONOPOLY" ... the board game that that's more than a GAME... it's a chance to make a difference! Like Swami says, "Have now, get more, go free"... PASS GO, LAND ON POONTANG PLACE, BUILD A BROTHEL, GO TO JAIL... RAISE YOU CONSCIOUSNESS by IMMERSING YOURSELF... in SENSUAL EXCESS... until DESIRE MELTS AWAY LIKE MAGIC." To reach the HIGHEST PLANE... you have to wallow in the lowest MUD! So, go for it, become ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE... (or anyone else who comes by)... with the Game of Enlightenment... ORGY MONOPOLY. Get the WHOLE GANG
together... take off your clothes and say, "GEE."
A GLOW IN THE DARK THIRD EYE
The revolution in awareness brought about by "Have now, Get more, Go free"... has brought more good news The drive-thru Karma Konnection is about to announce Swami G's latest personal, portable spirit enhancer...
"A GLOW IN THE DARK THIRD EYE"... you strap it on and say, "GEE!"
ORGY MASKS
The word is out... Swami Gotjatubyet, has become the rage of Beverly Hills... the Meditation Mall coming soon to Rodeo is sold out six months in advance and will be packed day and night. And now, another product at the Nirvana Knick Knack Shack... created by two of Swami G's most devoted followers; Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes... have created the perfect accessory for your own private parties... "ORGY MASKS" made to order, exact replicas of your favorite celebrities or friends.
That's right, be the celebrity you like... Sly, Arnold, Sharon, Madonna, or even the wife or husband of your next door neighbor. Swami G says, "Why be YOURSELF when you can be somebody more famous, more beautiful, or richer?" OR, if you're uncomfortable pretending to be a REAL PERSON, but still want to stick your nose into someone else's business... try the PINOCCHIO MASK with the hydraulic, adjustable nose...make it as long as you like, FOR as long as you like. Remember, Swami's words - "Lose yourself in sensual excess and DESIRE melts away like magic." Why wait? ORGY MASKS... now at the Meditation Mall...
... take off your clothes, keep your eyes wide shut, and say... "GEE."
FREEZER SUNDAY - A GLOBAL WARMING SOLUTION
We have a special announcement from the spirit guide Swami Gotjatubyet... it comes by way of a rally led by two of Swami's most serious devotee's, Sting and Puff Daddy. According to Sting, all the hurricanes and natural disasters going on in the world today have one common catalyst, Global Warming. It's very simple, as the world gets warmer, the oceans evaporate more quickly, putting everything in motion, and then it all "hits the fan." Well, here's the good news from the thinktank and brain trust of Swami Gotjatubyet... just in time for the new world... a solution.
For the details, we take you to the laboratories of Dr. Sammy Noneque... FIRST you take a freeza. Everybody got a freeza. Every freeza got - what - about 20 cubic feet a cold air. Let's say there's about 6 billion people in the world... and those 6 billion people got 2 billion freezas. Now, 2 billion people open up 2 billion freeza at the same time... hey, FORTY BILLION CUBIC FEET OF COLD AIR! Like the time they found Eddie the Hat in the freeza at Benny's Butcher Shop. One man. One freeza. Cooled off a whole neighborhood. End of story.
The end of global warming. And that's why Swami G is asking all the people with freezers and refrigerators in the world to unite... on FREEZER SUNDAY! This Sunday at twelve noon, New York time, open your freezer doors close your eyes, take off your clothes, and say "GEE."
WARM APPLE PIE
And here's more good news from Swami Gotjatubyet... it's a known fact that awareness is impacted by tension... by letting go of accumulated buildup in the body, awareness can float effortlessly in the afterglow... now from Swami G... and the Meditation Mall in Beverly Hills... "WARM APPLE PIE"... the hot water bottle for that aching that won't go away... WARM APPLE PIE, with elastic, self-adjusting celestial portal, lets you reach in, and feel the warmth of the universe... feel your awareness grow. It's made from the same rubber polyurethane used by the astronauts. Warm Apple Pie can be used again and again... daily. Buy two, get one free... keep one in the car for those lonely drives home... Warm Apple Pie... the hot water bottle that will raise your spirits and calm your mind...available now... in a quiet room... just close your eyes, take off your clothes, and say... "GEE."
ALDO GUCCI HUMILITY COLLECTION
Everybody has to serve somebody. Swami G says, "Discipline is the first step in awareness, obedience is the true path to inner-power. Restraint is the seed of liberation." And to pave the way, Swami's most devoted international designer, Aldo Gucci... has created a line of products... Products perfect for learning the art of being of service.
Available now... the Swami G "ALDO GUCCI HUMILITY COLLECTION" Hand-crafted, Corinthian-leather kneepads, silver-buckle leash and matching mother-of-pearl collar, complete in a handsome two-tone Gucci tote bag. Elegant, polished, 14karatt gold plated, Himalayan handcuffs, skillfully rendered by The Lost People of Alottaporn.
PLUS... spurs, saddles, riding crops, and more to help you fulfill your role as a true "obedient." As Swami says, "you must serve, in order to be served... be shackled in order to achieve ultimate freedom and suffer humiliation in order to feel real humility.
Now an entire collection devoted to the exaltation of limitation. The Swami G Aldo Gucci Humility Collection. Available now at the Nirvana Knick Knack Shack in the Meditation Mall. As Swami says, "Come to me, close your eyes, take off your clothes and say GEE."
INFLATABLE ME
"The Have now, Get more, Go Free" crusade... has become the rage the rallying cry of millions (actually, the rallying cry of people WITH millions)... and here's more good news from the Meditation Mall on Rodeo in Beverly Hills. In his quest to deliver "serenity" and "conscious awareness" to his beloved devotees... new from Swami G, "INFLATABLE ME."
At last, the perfect companion. Who do you like better than yourself? Who knows you better than YOU? Now, you can take YOU everywhere. Like Swami says, "You are perfection, perfection is you."
Made from the same rubber polyurethane used by the astronauts, an inflatable friend that looks like YOU! And it comes in ALL THREE SEXES! That's right, and Inflatable Me knows all your special secret places... because... IT'S YOU!
Or, if the perfect you is feeling less than perfect, there's Swami G's "INFLATABLE BETTER THAN ME." A better looking, better-built version... but it's still YOU!
That's right,... Swami G's "Inflatable Me"... available now at the Nirvana Knick Knack Shack... like Swami says, "Just close your eyes, take off your clothes... and say, "GEE."
MADONNA'S YIN-YANG COLLECTION
And here's more good news from the visionary illumination factory of spirit advisor, Swami Gotjatubyet... the devotion of an ever-growing number of celebrities is propelling Swami G into new and more meaningful circumstances.
This week at the Meditation Mall on Rodeo in Beverly Hills... at a press conference in the Celebrity Dome... Madonna, sitting in a lotus position facing the Swami, her palms in his lap turning upwards toward the heavens... her eyes swooning in divine intoxication... announced her new line of Rubber Wear.
Reporters gasped... as the curtain was drawn back revealing stunning male and female models, exhibiting Madonna's Yin-Yang Collection. As her ancient hit song, Ray of Light came thundering through the sound system...
Models undulated down the runway revealing nearly invisible, prophylactic-thin, body-hugging fashions for the21st century. Now at last, Body Suits made entirely out of the same rubber-titanium alloy used by the astronauts, this is a fashion statement that's more than chic, it's SANITARY. Safe-sex will never be a problem again, you'll always be ready at the drop of a hat.
For women, there's a protective sheath... for the men, it's fashion that grows with you, no matter how intimate, no matter how much stimulation. It's waterproof and impermeable, no liquid can pass through it. Wear it IN THE RAIN, and wash it the morning after.
Plus, there are styles with miracle "cinching" where needed and other designs with "enhanced" body padding and private parts. You'll be a better YOU than ever before, INSTANTLY. And, (as Swami says) if you're feeling better, you're in a better frame of mind, for spiritual growth. There's 60's paisley, 70's polyester, 80's despair, 90's Grunge plaid, and 21st-century tattoo.
But wait, there's more, every suit, male and female, is personally tested by Madonna herself.
The MADONNA YIN-YANG COLLECTION ... now available at the Meditation Mall. As Swami says, "Just come to me, close your eyes, take off your clothes, and say, "GEE!"